Overdramatic title much! I’ve never really been that
kind of person who has their entire future lined up in front of them. Being a
child, I never really knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. It was something
different everyday: teacher, nurse, author, psychologist. To be honest, nothing
has changed. I still don’t know what I want to do with mu future. When we had
to decide what to study at university last year, I first wanted to do a
teaching course. Then it changed to social work, then to midwife (yes, really).
In the end I decided to go for psychology as I was (and stil lam) really
interested in the subject. I was so excited for the course to start, but last
December/January I decided to quit. It just didn’t feel right and I wasn’t
enjoying it as much as I thought I would, and I just couldn’t picture myself
doing something Psychology-related as my job. So I quit, went back home to live
with my parents again and got a job.
This was a really hard time
for me. I felt like such a disappointment to both myself and my parents and I
hated that I didn’t know what to do with my future, contrary tos ome of my
friends. I felt (and still feel a little bit) like a loser. Even though I worked,
I was in a constant battle with myself and I got really, really down about not
doing something productive with my life. I’m somebody who really has to evolve
and move forward and I could never see myself doing a dead-end job for the rest
of my life. I need goals to work for, and even though you might not be able to
tell, I’m quite an ambitious person and am willing to work really hard for
something I really want. But that was the problem; I still don’t really know
what I want.
This was also a time when I
felt very, very lonely. I felt like all my friends were moving forward and I
was just in the same place, not really doing anything. In that time, I really
wanted to do a journalism course, but I think that was just because I love
writing and didn’t really knew anything else to do. As you may know, I’m a big
feelings person, and something about that choice just didn’t feel right. I
thought it were just nerves, but when I went to my old uni and read about a
course I didn’t really know anything about, I immediately knew I wanted to do
that course and not Journalism. I’m know registered fort hat course and just
got an email that my introduction day is August 26, and I’m so so nervous for
that. I’m not that good with people and making friends so it’s definitely a
challenge for me.
I still don’t know if this
course is what I want to do with my life and I’m absolutely scared to death
that the same thing will happen and it just isn’t for me. But then again, I
need to let go. I’m now starting to realise that this might not have been such
a bad school year at all. Okay, I might have quit university and I lost quite a
few really important people in my life, including my lovely aunt, who died of
cancer on the 3rd of October last year. I’m still feeling really bad about that
and I do have my weak moments sometimes, but I’ve learnt how to deal with it
and am slowly starting to feel a little bit more positive. After all, I got my
license this year (which wouldn’t have happened if I had continued with
university) and as per next week, I’ll (hopefully) be a qualified beautician.
I’ve earned money this year, more than I have ever earned, and have been able
to treat myself a lot whilst still saving quite a lot of money. And I’m
thankful. Thankful that the tuition fees aren’t that high in Belgium or Holland (where I studied and plan on
studying in September) and me or my family doesn’t have any debts.
This was such a rambly post
and it feels really chaotic, but my mind can be quite disorganised sometimes. I was hesitating whether I would post this or
not since I know quite a few people who read this blog, but after all this is
my own little space on the internet. Writing just makes me feel so much better
about things and also helps to put things in perspective. A lot.
In retrospect, this year
hasn’t been that bad at all. I might have felt like a total disappointment, but
my confidence grew and I learned to be thankful for so much things in my life.
I’ve grown as a person.
Since I don’t have any
pictures to accompany this post and I don’t like having posts that don’t have a
picture, I just put in some Instagram snaps of this week. Nothing much ahs
happened, except that I went out for dinner three (!) times. Once with my
grandma and twice with my parents and little brother. I went shopping (which
had been long overdue!), worked and passed the first part of my beauty therapy
course (including the much-dreaded theory part!), and I’m so proud of myself
for doing so! I also picked up Marc Jacobs’ new Honey perfume last week and I’ve
been wearing it ever since. I do know own almost every Marc Jacobs perfume and
I’m not even sorry.
Sorry for such a rambly and long post! What have you
been up to this week?
Very great story- I've thought about it a few times but was too scared!
BeantwoordenVerwijderenJennifer
Nature With Nurture
I can really relate to a lot of what you've said. I've got my degree and am working at a job that I love, however, I don't think that there's only one job that we're specifically cut out for. Or one job that will make you happier than any other. Someone once gave me the advice to pick a career that lets you live the lifestyle you want and I whole-heartedly agree.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenReally enjoy reading your blog and wish you the best!
Jillian/ Jillicious Cosmetics